5 Steps to FREEDOM from “shyness”

You will often hear people who are reluctant to put themselves “out there” say, “I’m shy”.  They are almost always struggling with low self-esteem. They can also have minimal self-awareness and not sure about how they come across. They fear that someone will think badly of us or reject us. People often forget that they have their own uniqueness. No two human beings are alike, yet they constantly compare themselves with unrealistic stereotypes of the perfect woman or man. These stereotypical aspirations can do more harm than good and may be keeping the real YOU locked away or hiding out.

Don’t believe the hype.  Believe in yourself.

After nearly 17 years in the coaching industry we have identified the most effective steps you can take to release the label of “shyness” and be FREE to you be YOU:

  1. Make a promise to yourself to never think or say “I’m shy” again

    If this really challenges you then I suggest you start to think of the statement, “I’m shy” simply a label.  A self-imposed label.  I suggest you don’t waste any time on trying to figure out why you have given yourself this label, right now. You have probably gone over and over in your mind or with a counsellor all the reasons why you have been shy or how you got like it. It is safe to make the assumption that you will always find many reasons (excuses??) why you have been calling yourself “shy”.  So, let go of focusing on what doesn’t serve by taking far more positive, proactive and effective steps towards the beautiful state of FREEDOM. Each positive step builds on the next on guiding you towards developing an awareness about your true worth and a confidence level that truly inspires you.
  1. Continually top up your self-love-tank in between social outings

    The greater the self-love; the greater the quality of life. Self-love is the catalyst for confidence. One of the things that both men and women say is the most attractive attribute in a person the person’s confidence and attitude.  By taking time to do things for yourself that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside is paramount to confidence and self-esteem.

    If you were to make a list of all the things that would make you feel pampered, warm and fuzzy I am 100% confident you would say you actually find each thing fun, delightfully pleasant, relaxing and always uplifting to do.  So, why not choose 2-3 things each week to HAVE more fun and to feel fabulous?  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!  Gain is good, right?

  1. Write a vision statement for yourself and about your best version of YOU

    You could write a statement something like this one…….”I am so happy and proud of my own uniqueness. People love to chat with me and I am there with an open ear whenever I can be. I take time out to ‘smell the roses’ each day and I feel so grateful for all the beauty around me and my own beauty that I allow to shine from within. I stand tall, I smile, I choose to focus outwardly by focusing on finding ways to help others to be comfortable, in the moment, having fun. This makes me comfortable and easily able to enjoy myself.  This win/win brings joy and freedom all around. Each day counts and I love learning and growing as I go about each day. It is great to be alive because I have a chosen to live a fulfilling life. I plan my social life and make no more excuses.  I am no longer my own best-kept secret!”.

    Read this or your very own vision statement every day.  Tweak it as required.


  1. Practice playfulness and presence

    It is evident that people who have been labelling themselves as “shy” for a while have simply forgotten how to be playful. Mucking around with your best friend your best buddies at school was often a daily occurrence at lunchtime.  You probably shared silly banter and just hung out enjoying the moment.  You didn’t think about it.  It just unfolded each day and you were cool with that.  So, what was actually going on between you and your friends.   I would suggest it was the sum of these things:
  • You were in the moment (fully present)
  • You were carefree, accepting and non-judgmental
  • You were just being yourself (not perfect)
  • You made sure you and everyone had a good time.
  1. Don’t take yourself too seriously and K I S S it.

    Socializing is just that – its social.  Social is all about being around other people and not being stuck in your head or hiding out behind the label (or excuse) of “I’m shy”.  If you were to give yourself permission for the next month to just be fully present, carefree, accepting and focused on helping those around you to have fun and be happy I can guarantee that you will feel a whole lot better. You will have measurable improvement in your self-esteem and feel a lot more FREEDOM to be yourself. But!  But, only if you don’t take yourself or socializing too seriously!  The KISS principle is a great way to stop taking yourself too seriously.

    K – keep    I – it     S – simple   S – sweetie!

Author Profile

Sandy Ewing
Sandy Ewing
Lifestyle­ | Career | Leadership | Life Transition Coach and Principal of Life Coaching Melbourne. Sandy founded the company in 2001 and is proud of her team and all they do to ensure our clients get the results they want.


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