5 Steps to FREEDOM from “shyness”

You will often hear people who are reluctant to put themselves “out there” say, “I’m shy”.  They are almost always struggling with low self-esteem. They can also have minimal self-awareness and not sure about how they come across. They fear that someone will think badly of us or reject us. People often forget that they have their own uniqueness. No two human beings are alike, yet they constantly compare themselves with unrealistic stereotypes of the perfect woman or man. These stereotypical aspirations can do more harm than good and maybe keeping the real YOU locked away or hiding out.

Don’t believe the hype.  Believe in yourself.

After nearly 17 years in the coaching industry we have identified the most effective steps you can take to release the label of “shyness” and be FREE to you be YOU.  Each of these steps guides you towards developing awareness about your true worth and enables or releases a sense of relief as you let go of self-doubt and start to demonstrate a confidence level that truly lifts your spirits.

1. Make a promise to yourself to never think or say “I’m shy” again
It is a MUST!  If this really challenges you then I suggest you start to think of the statement, “I’m shy” simply is a label.  A self-imposed (and painful) label.  I suggest you don’t waste any more time trying to figure out why you have given yourself this label. You have probably gone over and over it in your mind or with a counselor  many times.  You might have found many reasons why you have been shy or how you got to be like that. It is safe to assume that you will always find many reasons (excuses??) especially when you start to plan a social outing.   It doesn’t help in a practical sense, at all.  So, let go of focusing on what doesn’t serve by taking far more positive, proactive, practical and effective steps towards the beautiful state of FREEDOM that social confidence brings.

2. Continually top up your “self-love-tank”in between social outings
The greater the self-love; the greater the quality of life. Self-love is the catalyst for confidence. One of the things that both men and women say is the most attractive attribute in a person the person’s confidence and attitude.  By taking time to do things for yourself that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside is paramount to confidence and self-esteem.If you were to make a list of all the things that would make you feel pampered, warm and fuzzy I am 100% confident you would say you actually find each thing fun, delightfully pleasant, relaxing and always uplifting to do.  So, why not choose 2-3 things each week to HAVE more fun and to feel fabulous?  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!  Gain is good, right?

3. Write a vision statement for yourself  about your best version of YOU
You could write a statement something like this one…….”I am so happy and proud of my own uniqueness. People love to chat with me and I am there with an open ear whenever I can be. I take time out to ‘smell the roses’ each day and I feel so grateful for all the beauty around me and my own beauty that I allow to shine from within. I stand tall, I smile, I choose to focus outwardly by focusing on finding ways to help others to be comfortable, in the moment, having fun. This makes me comfortable and easily able to enjoy myself.  This win/win brings joy and freedom all around. Each day counts and I love learning and growing as I go about each day. It is great to be alive because I have chosen to live a fulfilling life. I plan my social life and make no more excuses.  I am no longer my own best-kept secret!”.Read this or read your very own vision statement every day.  Tweak it as you evolve and improve your life.

4. Practice playfulness and presence
It is evident that people who have been labeling themselves as “shy” for a while have simply forgotten how to be playful. Mucking around with your best friend or your best buddies at school was often a daily occurrence at lunchtime.  You probably shared silly banter and just hung out enjoying the moment.  You didn’t think about it.  It just unfolded each day and you were cool with that most of the time, right?  So, what was actually going on between you and your friends.   I would suggest it was the sum of these things:

  • You were in the moment (fully present)
  • You were carefree, accepting and non-judgmental
  • You were just being yourself (not perfect and you didn’t care)
  • You made sure you and everyone had a good time.

5. Don’t take yourself too seriously and K I S S it! Socializing is just that – it’s social.  Social is all about being around other people and not being stuck in your head or hiding out behind the label (or excuse) of “I’m shy”.  If you were to give yourself permission for the next month to just be fully present, carefree, accepting and focused on helping those around you to have fun and be happy I can guarantee that you will feel a whole lot better. You will have measurable improvement in your self-esteem and feel a lot more FREEDOM to be yourself. But!  But, only if you don’t take yourself or socializing too seriously!  The KISS principle is a great way to stop taking yourself too seriously.

K – keep    I – it     S – simple   S – sweet/sexy/savvy/sensational you!